Sex is one of those pillars of a relationship that has been scrutinized and analyzed so much that it almost feels like you’re doing it wrong if you go against any cliché relationship advice. The one that gets me the most is “be spontaneous,” as if consistency in your sex life is a bad thing. A big part of that spontaneity comes in timing, like when you have sex or what time you have sex with your partner. It’s one thing to be young and unencumbered with children and ready to do it all over the house, but it’s another when you’re a parent and having sex at any old time is no longer possible.
They say we hardly ever know the truth about someone’s sex life because everyone is lying to make themselves feel (or sound) better about their reality, but we reached out to a whole bunch of moms who were willing to tell us exactly when they’re having sex. We don’t care about how often or how vanilla or filthy the sex is; we just want to know when. When are you doing it?
Some of the answers will surprise you — but that’s supposed to happen. We all have our own ideas on when to have sex, the best time to have sex, the sex time that works for each of us, so to hear someone say something totally opposite might shock you. But let these answers be both an inspiration and a balm if you’re worried about your sex life — there is no right or wrong time.
The Early Horny Birds
“I love morning sex so much. We’re both early birds who naturally wake up around 5:30 or 6 every morning, so we just do it then.” — Tara F., mom of three
“My partner and I have always liked morning sex. I think it’s because she used to work a lot of overnight shifts when we first started dating, and she’d come home and we’d have sex at like 5 a.m. before she went to sleep and before I woke up. It just feels like our time still.” — Hannah R., mom of two
“We set an alarm twice a week to wake up and have sex. I know that sounds crazy, but I’ll get up and put on lingerie and we have our toys charged and it always feels little like a sex vacation or something. Even at 4 in the morning. And then we go back to sleep after until our kids wake up.” — Emma T., mom of four
“We’ve started having sex after the kids get on the bus and before my husband leaves for work. It’s like our only alone time that isn’t frantic with worrying about when to pick up kids or if a meeting is about to start or what.” — Julia O., mom of two
The Anytime-Is-A-Good-Time-For-Sex Couples
“Are people actually keeping track of that? Just do it when you’re horny!” — Delilah T., mom of one
“Whenever there’s time. Sometimes that’s in the middle of the night, sometimes it’s in the bathroom an hour before we have to go to work.” — Sarah K., mom of three
“I’m so tired at bedtime, but I’m also not good at planning sex during the day. So basically if I think ‘Wow it’s been a minute since we’ve had sex,’ I’ll text my partner like a boob pic or something and then he’ll come find me in the house. Sometimes that means a quickie in our walk-in closet if the kids are home.” — Jennifer L., mom of three
The House-Is-Empty Opportunists
“We have five kids, so when our last one went off to school, it was a major milestone. I think that first year, we had sex every single day when I got back from dropping the last kid off.” — Megan J., mom of five
“We actually really like daytime sex. We both work from home and all of our kids are in school, so it’s not unusual for us to do it during our lunch breaks.” — Jessica P., mom of two
“During the day, for sure. I’m so exhausted at night and the house is empty during the day, so he comes home on his lunch break and we just bang it out. Literally.” — Theresa R., mom of two
The Bedtime-Is-Sexy-Time Couples
“We always have sex at our bedtime. Like when we go to bed together. There’s not much spontaneity, but we’re happy with that, and it happens at least twice a week.” — Hannah H., mom of one
“We have sex at bedtime after we each take our shower. Almost every night.” — Emily E., mom of two
“I’m a single mom who dates, so really the only time I’m able to have sex is if I’ve gone on a date — and that means a babysitter has put my kid to bed and I’m free to do what I want.” — Lauren J., mom of one
“We like having sex when we go to bed at night.” — Molly W., mom of two
“I know it’s boring, but bedtime. If I don’t pass out immediately.” — Kate T., mom of two
“I can not have sex if our kids are awake and in the house. I just can’t. We always do it at night, like 11:00 or so.” — Morgan G., mom of two
