Full confession: I am a sucker for a good “momfluencer.” Y’know, those moms who have the perfect hair, house, car, kitchen, child, skincare routine, etc., and then post that perfectly perfect life on social media. I usually eat that up!
However, as I doom scroll from the comforts of my home, there does come a time when I start to wish I saw more non-aesthetic moms with oak cabinets and kid fingerprints all over the (non-stainless steel) fridge.
There’s no harm in indulging in aesthetically pleasing social media accounts to escape the “realness” or everyday life because, to be honest, everyday life can really suck sometimes! However, the relational aspect of being seen that comes with those other mom accounts that show the piles of laundry and crumb-laden floors might be just what we all need.
What is a non-aesthetic mom?
TikTok mom Elle stitched a video where a woman was saying how “over” she was of influencer culture, sharing that she couldn’t handle one more “morning routine” of matcha making and $200 skin care products.
Elle wants to extend this same sentiment towards mom influencer culture, noting that so much of what comes across her feed is “not real.”
“[TikTok] used to be for people just being themselves and telling the truth about their lives without like all of these ‘things,’” she said.
“I just wanted to say like I, as a mom, want to see people doing realistic mom things. I want to see what it’s like for you to like conquer the mountain of laundry that has been you know piling up for weeks, and you have literally no idea how you’re going to do it. Maybe you don’t even finish it, but that’s relatable because most of us don’t.”
Elle goes on to say that she wants to see real people’s houses and kitchens and chaotic mornings getting the kids out the door for school.
“I want to see the parents who don’t have time to go on date night and how they like creatively still spend time together because they don’t have any family nearby and they don’t trust just any babysitter to watch their kids so they can’t go out and have an aesthetic night,” she explained.
She then goes on to wish that more moms showed their cars covered in cracker crumbs “because that’s what all of our other minivans look like.”
Her desire to see the more “real” nitty-gritty pieces of parenthood is not to take some sort of joy in the pain or struggle of others. Quite the opposite actually.
“The point is that most of us — due to the economy or just due to life stage that we’re in — are … not living these aesthetic perfect lifestyles where everything’s all soft and cozy and sounds nice and looks nice and smells nice all day. Most of us are just trying to figure out how to like. survive in our routines the way that they are,” she explained.
SO. FREAKING. TRUE.
There is camaraderie and relational value in the more real, non-aesthetic parts of being a mom. Not all of us can be Emilie Kiser. And, she is great for what she is. Sometimes, like I said before, it’s nice to have that escape from reality. But Emilie Kiser is the exception, not the rule. We’re not all going on vacations every month or running “errands” to Sephora everyday, spending literally thousands of dollars without batting an eye.
“It would be great to see like people realistically showing us how that they’re doing that in ways that maybe we can make small tweaks in our lives to do it too or so that we can just like relate to one another and encourage one another,” she suggested.
Elle’s idea of compromise to the aesthetic mom vs. the non-aesthetic mom debate works because then we moms can find a happy medium between a curated social media feed that leaves us feeling kind of down on ourselves and a more realistic mirror image of our own life.