I vividly remember my first period cramp. It was very much a “Wait, WTF is this?” moment. As in, “WTF, this sucks,” and “WTF, this happens every month for decades?” and “WTF, why don’t we talk about this way, way more?”
Period cramps are just one example of the total B.S. a lot of women have to deal with on the daily. Sometimes, when things are everyday occurrences, we can become numb to just how annoying/upsetting/enraging they truly are.
One Reddit user asked in the popular subreddit, r/AskReddit, “What’s a harsh reality you have to accept as a woman?” And this question spurred conversation about the things we as women have to deal with on a nearly day-to-day basis.
Periods, of course, were high on that list.
“The worst part is just having to keep a straight face like you’re completely fine while feeling like you are being stabbed in the ovaries. I can’t count how many times I’ve been on public transport with excruciating period pain and just had a blank expression on my face when really, I wanted to cry. I’ve said it before but women are STRONG,” one user said.
When you think about it, isn’t it crazy that so many of us have to power through tears every month? And that’s just our reality? Like, what!
Minimizing women’s physical pain was a common thread amongst users answers. Users shared experiences of not being taken seriously by healthcare providers.
“Everything is anxiety,” said one user. “If you’ve extensively researched your symptoms/tests to ask for, ‘You need to stay off the internet and let the professionals handle it.’ If you give context to any symptoms or why you’ve done something (like stopping a medicine), then you’re talking too much, and that’s also anxiety.”
Another oft-minimized health issue discussed: pregnancy. Users lamented how women are expected to “snap back” relatively quickly, returning to work and/or their pre-pregnancy body, when you literally grew a whole human inside you!
One user pointed out how women were criticized for not wanting to experience pregnancy, despite the fact that it’s a seriously life-changing decision.
“People always assume it’s vanity over weight gain, stretch marks, etc. but your bones, organs, and tissues are permanently altered, sometimes resulting in chronic conditions or disabilities,” she wrote.
Redditors also crafted a frustratingly long list of double standards women have to deal with.
“I’ve learned that speaking up in certain situations can still be seen as being too aggressive, even if I’m just stating facts,” said one user.
“Or worse — too emotional,” replied another.
“Yep, men are ‘assertive’ and women are ‘difficult’ and ‘bitchy’ when they speak up,” said another.
Another user added, their frustration, that “You will always be sexualized\objectified in one way or another.”
And another replied, “Until you’re old, and then you’ll be invisible.”
Yeah, we can’t win.
Women listed harsh reality after harsh reality, from imposter syndrome to fear of harassment and assault, to the frustration and fear and anger that their daughters have to experience the same thing. And of course, there was no lack of trolls attempting to refute every point.
One user pointed out how the thread appeared to become a microcosm of the bigger issue, writing, “We can’t even talk about our experiences online about being a woman even after being specifically asked without some men over taking the conversation with their experiences. And then when you point it out they argue and downvote you.”
It sucks. It does! And we should all get to say it more.
I think this thread is a great start. Yes, it’s complaining — for good reason! Acknowledging the “harsh realities” we all face can help push the conversation forward, until they are no longer realities at all.
