It all seemed perfect at first: my daughter had a new bestie and the parents seemed great. It’s not easy to find new ‘couple friends’ as adults so it seemed like we had won the lottery. Our kids got along, we had a good time enjoying some backyard banter, some afternoons together at the beach, and nights out on the town. And soon, what started as a friendship out of convenience became the real thing. That is until the girls decided they weren’t friends anymore.
That’s where this little fairytale turns into a tragedy. So please, if you are reading this heed my warning, and do not become besties with your kids’ friends parents. The risks far outweigh the rewards.
It’s important to understand the distinction here between besties and friends. Of course, I think it is wonderful and I would encourage you to make friends with your kids’ friends’ parents. Chat it up on the sidelines, hang out in big groups, invite them to your backyard barbecue — whatever! But once you start doing the one-on-one hangouts on a regular basis, that’s when shit can get a little dicey.
Because even if you think your friendship has grown to exist outside of your kids’ relationship, it likely hasn’t. We are all still human, and you will have your own personal feelings about your kids’ friendship breakup. In our case, there were a few explosive moments that led our little besties to become more like acquaintances. And it became increasingly more awkward between us and our new pals — usually skirting over the issue in conversation or avoiding the topic all together. It started with social media posts showing our kids hanging out with new friends, picking new playmates in situations commonly shared with the old friend. And finally it reached the point where my daughter was not only no longer asking for playdates, but refusing invitations to hang out when presented with them.
I think we all learned some new things about one another through this evolving kid conflict. Basically, we were not quite as compatible as we had originally thought.
And of course that’s okay! Adult friendships aren’t easy, and not everyone is meant to be close. The problem is, once you spend a certain amount of time with one particular couple, the fizzling of that friendship can feel a little dramatic and awkward. And when you are left sharing the same school open house table, soccer sidelines, and gymnastics bleachers through the relationships’ demise — well that just really sucks.
So, take it from me: When it comes to playing nice with your kid’s friends’ parents, keep it light. Allow yourself enough closeness that you can share a good convo and a quick dinner but enough space to avoid a potential crisis if your kids need a few years off from one another. Because the reality is, kid relationships can be chaotic. They ebb and flow and can be dramatic and explosive at times. They are a rollercoaster, and it’s better for everyone if you are not strapped in with them for the ride.