Two things are true: (Mostly) everyone is stressed, and (mostly) everyone enjoys sex. So, what if sex could help alleviate stress? Would that make you feel less stressed? Because the good news is kissing, touching, licking, and, really, many forms of getting it on can help relax your body and help you power through on those days when nothing seems to be going your way. Hey, you might be suffering from a case of the Sunday scaries, but at least you can say you had an amazing orgasm!
Stress relief comes in all shapes and sizes, and sex just so happens to be an additional activity that can lead to calmness and relaxation,” Megwyn White, certified sexologist and director of education at Satisfyer, tells Scary Mommy. “Similar to how your body feels after a workout, sex can help calm your body and relax.”
So, while some people might need to get their stress out from an intense workout or meditating, others could find relief with some good old-fashioned banging (yep, I said it). But don’t take my word for it. Here are some of the legitimate reasons sex can be good for stress relief. Unless, of course, sex is the thing you’re stressing about… in which case, consider the merits of flying solo.
The science behind sex and stress relief
We all know sex feels good, right? After a satisfying sex session, most of us experience a “high” physically, mentally, and emotionally. That’s because sex releases “feel good” hormones, like endorphins, along with dopamine and serotonin. According to White, these neurotransmitters, which are released during sex, can calm the body down and also relieve feelings of stress and anxiety, promoting a natural sense of connection and fulfillment.
“More specifically, engaging in sensual touch, such as caressing, hugging, or kissing, stimulates the release of oxytocin, often referred to as the ‘cuddle hormone,’” White says. “Oxytocin promotes feelings of bonding, trust, and relaxation, which can naturally counteract the effects of stress and anxiety. It also helps to lower blood pressure, heart rate, and cortisol levels — the hormone associated with stress.”
To better understand how sex can help in relieving stress, White says it’s beneficial to learn more about the two parts of the nervous system that are both engaged within the context of sex.
“The autonomic nervous system is composed of two branches and is responsible for multiple bodily functions, as well as stress response,” White explains. “The sympathetic nervous system or (SNS) is responsible for arousal and the ‘fight or flight’ response, whereas the parasympathetic nervous system or (PNS) is responsible for calming the body down and is often known as the ‘rest and digest’ part of the nervous system helping to promote relaxation, restoration, and homeostasis.”
As a result, there is potential within sex for the more intense focus on pleasure, heightened sensitivity to touch, says White, as well as engaging in emotional intimacy and connection with our partner.
“These factors can all help to create a powerful state of flow and embodiment,” she says. “In this state, our attention is anchored in the present, allowing us to temporarily set aside stressors and fully immerse ourselves in the pleasurable experience of sensations.”
Other stress management components of sex
According to White, having sex (and, hopefully, orgasms — or, at the very least, pleasure) can have many benefits to health and lifestyle.
It improves sleep.
“Having sex before bed has been shown to help you relax, allowing for improved sleep, increased drowsiness, and better overall sleep quality,” says White. “Getting this quality sleep is a powerful stress reducer.”
It’s a natural mood booster.
“The hormones released during sex boost feelings of well-being, leading to an overall feeling of happiness and decreased stress,” she explains.
It can lead to a stronger connection with your partner.
Says White: “Sex and intimacy improve connection and feelings of affection between partners during intimate times and for the period following!”
It increases productivity and brain function.
Sex releases endorphins, reduces stress, and promotes a sense of relaxation and satisfaction. This, in turn, says White, can enhance focus, boost creativity, and improve productivity in various areas of life. “There is even more recent research indicating that orgasms help to encourage neurogenesis, which is the process of generating new nerve cells,” she explains. “While more research is needed, the studies are promising, indicating that factors such as increased blood flow to the brain, reduction of stress and inflammation in the body, and the bodies’ release of feel-good chemicals all support brain conductivity and health leading to increased productivity and mental acuity.”
It’s good for developing resilience.
By cultivating the ability to tap into these states of presence and pleasure, White says we develop resilience and a greater capacity to respond to stress in the moment.
It promotes strength of the pelvic floor for increased confidence and control.
“The pelvic floor muscles can hold tension, especially during periods of stress or anxiety,” White says. “During sex, there is the opportunity to engage and relax the pelvic floor muscles, which can promote a sense of control and stability within the body.” The act of consciously relaxing the pelvic floor can not only intensify orgasms during sex but also “can have a ripple effect in releasing tension in surrounding muscle groups, ultimately promoting greater physical balance and well-being.”
Stress-relieving sexual positions to try
Yes, any type of sex has the potential to make you feel good and less stressed. According to White, though, specific positions are particularly suited for relieving stress — often the ones that maximize your pleasure, comfort, and access to a variety of erogenous zones so feel-good hormones are released. Some of the best positions to try include:
- Oral sex allows you to lie back while your partner does the work for you, letting you relax, enjoy yourself, and relieve stress. As an option, White recommends incorporating a pillow or bolster underneath your lower back in this position, which can provide extra comfort. “Elevating the lower back can also improve blood flow and circulation, which can ultimately intensify the experience and the relief felt during orgasm,” she says.
- Positions that offer both penetration and access for women to be stimulated in other erogenous zones can lead to maximum pleasure and, therefore, maximum stress relief, says White. “For instance, doggy style or cowgirl both offer convenient access to the breasts, clitoris, neck, and ears,” she says. “Engaging these areas with touch, kissing, or gentle biting can enhance pleasure and stimulate additional nerve endings, releasing oxytocin and promoting a sense of intimacy and relaxation.”
- Masturbation in a reclining or seated position is a great stress reliever alone or with a partner performing mutual masturbation. Not only does it guarantee you will feel pleasure just how you like it, says White, but you can also masturbate at any time to relieve stress. The addition of sex toys that use air pulse technology or heat vibration can spice things up even more.
The frequency correlation
So, now that you know sex is ~scientifically~ good for relieving stress. But is there such a thing as doing it… too much?
When it comes to having sex for stress relief, White says it’s completely up to what feels right for you and your partner. “While sex can be a valuable tool for stress reduction, it’s essential to consider the underlying motivations and intentions,” she warns. “If the sole purpose of engaging in sexual activity is to escape from daily problems or solely for stress relief, it may not end up contributing to long-term emotional well-being or a healthy connection with your partner.”
Instead, she says it’s best to focus on cultivating a balanced approach by focusing on the quality of your sexual experience and the connection with your partner. “Often, it’s less about quantity and more about the quality of the sex you are having.”
In other words, enjoy the benefits as much as you’d like, but don’t let worrying about how much sex you should or shouldn’t have be something that adds to your stress and anxiety.
